Green Drinks Found to Cause Divorce

Beware her deadly beauty!

Beware her deadly beauty!

Among all the talk these days about how awesome it is to feed your body better than the uber-unhelpful USDA Food Pyramid (aka the Standard American Diet, aka the well-named and now infamous SAD), there's virtually no discussion about the very real dangers of green drinks for the uninitiated and unprepared.

Believe me, I know of what I speak. Witness my divorce at the end of 2009 after 16 years of marriage and nine years of co-parenting.

Feeling overweight, sluggish, depressed, old, and generally crappy, I was just minding my own business when I began reading a few articles about nutrition in early 2009. One of them mentioned juicing green vegetables as a way to improve energy and libido, lose weight, and many other wonderful, miraculous things. All the usual promises of overnight cures, detoxification, new lease on life, etc. I took it all with a grain of salt, so to speak.

And yet, whether because I'm the classic "Go big or go home" type or something in me recognized green juices as something I really, really needed, I dove in head first. Within a few days, I was breaking cheap Target blenders, clogging the  disposal with mounds of fibrous mush, and generally making a mess. Within a week I was jamming as much green stuff as I could into the blender, hitting the puree button, and looking away with eyes squinched while the machine thrashed around and the lights dimmed.

I wiped up green splats from the expensive, newly laid kitchen tiles and found creative things to do with the mountains of post-strain cellulose masses. I even tried to eat the left-over fiber, but found that it was a very slow, unpleasant process. I needed about three more stomachs to pull it off, and that wasn't going to happen. Eventually I started a nice compost pile.

In any event, within a couple of weeks, I started to notice some changes. Not especially in how my body felt or looked, but in how I was thinking. In how I was experiencing.

It felt like the power was coming on. The best analogy I can think of is an old barn-find V8 being turned over for the first time in years. There was a lot of dark smoke, mysterious rumblings, steamy sounds, many backfires.

And a large, terrified part of me went, "Uh-oh."

People around me started to say the same thing, basically. There was agitation, tremendous restlessness, ideas and actions that came in fits and starts, doctor and therapy bills, and all manner of seeming chaos. Except it wasn't chaos. It was a broken system re-establishing itself to good working order.

I experienced a rapidly mounting sense of disorientation and dissatisfaction with the status quo. I didn't quit with the green drinks, but I hadn't linked these two things yet. (I wouldn't have stopped anyway. I'd already gone too far.) I experimented and refined. I quit eating sugar and bread. Nature took its course.

By the end of the year I was no longer married to the father of my magnificent son. This shocked me as much as everyone else, I think. At points, it felt like something was making me, almost against my will, push harder and harder against the limits I'd been given by society, my conditioning, my own beliefs. It felt like my responsibility, for myself and my son, to experience and feel everything I could to make up for lost time.

Friends don't let friends be Stepford wives.

Friends don't let friends be Stepford wives.

Had I suddenly transformed from a cheerful suburban Stepford wife into a rebellious, high-energy, take-no-prisoners bad-ass because I drank green juice? No, of course not. I'd been very unhappy with the marriage (and my life) for years. But the nutrition cleared my mind to see that fact, the knowledge that I was capable of much, much more, and the courage to do something about it.

Although the title of this piece is somewhat tongue-in-cheek, I shit you not. Beware the power of good nutrition. Be prepared. Have a spiritual practice in place and compassionate friends nearby. I recommend reading this about relationships asap.

Start slowly and build over time. Or not. You do what you want, of course. Just know that depending where you're starting from, change will come. In fact, I wish more folks would dial in their nutrition before turning to ayahuasca, acid, marijuana, mushrooms, or what-have-you for spiritual journeying. Start with real food, the original medicine. See where you get to, and maybe then go exploring with other substances if you still feel the need. I believe we vastly underestimate the power of real food to bring about massive personal and planetary consciousness transformation.

Quick aside: I could make a good argument that the drugs, potions, and implants featured in many Truth-filled films, such as Lucy, Limitless, and Phenomenon, are representations of what can happen when we nourish our bodies properly. In contrast, refer to Idiocracy to see the very real harm and limitation we experience from "food" that's processed, manufactured, and packaged by the American Factory Farm Feedlot Corp., Ltd. As always, the Truth is everywhere for those willing and able to see it. Yes, I'm aware of the "scientists" who want to debunk the "10 percent myth." Myth or not, I'm pretty damn certain we don't remember how to use our full capacity. Scaredy-cats are always arguing for their perceived limitations. I think the debunkers are so busy now because they're terrified by the building swell of positive energy. Could it be that the 10% theory is a direct correlation to the percent of time the average person is actually present in their own life? More presence = more power. But I digress.

As Hippocrates, the father of modern medicine, said, "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food."

It's really very simple. If you want to fast-track exploration of your Human Being-ness, you're going to need excellent nutrition. Just know what you're getting yourself into and be prepared for the ride.

Also know that you'll be the pebble in the pond of your world. So act responsibly.

You got this!


All my heart,

PS: Here's a real warning about drinking too much green juice made with cruciferous vegetables (kale, broccoli, cabbage, parsley, etc.), particularly if you have thyroid issues. Everything in moderation, including moderation, right?

PPS: In recent years, I've come to adore HealthForce's Vitamineral Green. Yes, it's expensive. But it has many things I can't procure myself, none of the stuff I don't want (soy, cheap whey protein, and other toxic fillers), and I got tired of breaking blenders.